As human beings, we're hard-wired (or soft-muscled?) to react more deeply to the needs of one person than to the plight of a people. We're relatively likely to reach into our pockets when we hear the tale of one orphaned child who needs money for school supplies; we as a species don't tend to shell out for an entire village that is lacking books, or pencils, or desks (not to mention parents). That's the conundrum that people in the Rational Altruism movement are trying to counteract, because it makes no sense, they say, to fritter away large amounts of money doing small acts of good, when we could direct our money more wisely—do so much more good in the world––by thinking more about overall impact than about individual stories.
I agree with the rational altruists so much.
Except that, right now, I'm an empathy blob, hanging onto (and aching because of) the particulars of one unhappy person living in the midst of a country that's desperately unhappy. If I could figure out how to help the people of Haiti, I would—but mostly because I know Xavier. And I have to admit that, over the years, our family has helped Xavier while abandoning the rest of Haiti.
For a couple of years, while he was still in his early teens, we spent hours and thousands-upon-thousands of dollars in an unsuccessful attempt to adopt him. When that didn't work (and as he aged out of adoption eligibility), we sent money through a mission for his schooling. For a while he lived in an orphanage and we helped support that place; later we just carefully paid the schooling fees. When he graduated from school into a land full of hunger and poverty, we sent money through the mission to deliver him and his mom a supply of food each month for a year. More recently, we bought him a motorcycle, hoping he could use it to earn money taking other people for rides. In some sense, we've been pouring money into a deep hole, trying to our best to do it in a way that didn't end up making things worse.
I don't think we made things worse, but "worse" is the only way to describe what's happening in that beautiful country beset by horrors. A recent NYT article describes this:
The national police, outgunned, outnumbered, underpaid and demoralized, have ceded control of most of the city to gangs. A United Nations official in Haiti said in December that gangs controlled about 60 percent of Port-au-Prince. Now analysts like Mr. Espérance estimate that the figure has risen to more than 90 percent.
Videos posted to social media in recent days show residents fleeing their homes in the capital as fires burn and smoke fills the air. Other videos show crowds of people fleeing gunfire, and groups of men armed with rifles patrolling the streets.
- Does it make sense to help one person from this country, when so many other are in the same situation?
- How (like seriously, how) could I even help? Things are distressingly bad there.
- The fact that I even pay attention to news reports about Haiti is because I know Xavier. Does that mean this kind of empathy is good for focusing my attention? I'm sure there are other places in the world that are messed up and that I'm completely unaware of.
- The colonial legacy sucks, and I'm part of that legacy, and I benefit from that legacy just because of where I live and what I look like.
- It seems to give him comfort that we just We-chat somewhat regularly. That seems like such a minimal response . . . but it's something. (Is it?)
- Should I do more for Xavier? . . . but that leads me back to "what could I do?" and the whole one person/many villages thing.
And, just in case you'd like to see Haiti through the eyes of Xavier, here's a conversation we had over the course of a few days recently. The more I reread it, the more minimal my own responses feel; I just remember mostly being shocked and numb; I didn't want to promise what I can't figure out how (or whether) to give.
A recent conversation
Hi mommy!!! How was your day
Hello, Xavier! I'm doing well. Yesterday I caught up on a lot of work, and today I'm taking a train to a nearby university to give a math talk.
How are you doing today
Well! I love giving math talks.
That's awesome mom!! How was your day? Where is dad?
Mom I have something to tell you guys but I want you to take your time so I can tell you.
Because I am really in needed mom I don't know what to do
When you have time to hear from me you'll tell me
Mom I need to talk to you
Mom!! Even if you are busy or not but I'd like you to read this carefully.
OK, I'm done with my math talk.
I know that you have tried so hard and many times to make me happy though but the situation that I am living in here even your dog is not in that side, I always tried to never tell you that before but now I can't anymore cause it's too much for me 😰😰 my mother is getting sick she's out the country she needs to do surgery for cancer and the worst is that the gun man (gangsters) they are in Montrious right now they set my house on fire 🔥🔥 broke my bike and I just run that's why I'm not dead today so many people are losing their house people die so me I am at a friends house not too far even (name of city) the city that Mr. Zachary come from. The gun man are taking the city, mom I don't know what to do anymore the hungry are killing me today makes me three days with no food, to let you know mom I am not OK for real and I don't ask you for money but mom now I can't anymore cause I don't deserve this so I tell you because you are my only hope, and the one who I put my trust in after God, but even if you don't really know the things in here I believe your son I don't wanna die here mom
I talked to dad and he tells me he's with Nelson in New York City.
Yes he is – in New York. Thank you for telling me how you're doing. I'm not sure what else to say. It sounds so scary
Not only scary mom it's the kind of the end for me, sometimes I try to tell you but no way I tried to ask some other friends for help but I feel shy cause I feel it's my destination
I know you have been tried so many times to make my life feel better mom but in here there's nothing better only thing that having here is war every day
So I tell you mom
Even if you trust or not but I tell you my life story because nobody don't know my life more than me
I believe you
I know mom!
Sometimes mom at the friends house where I live they cook and don't share with me I sleep in the floor without no bed.
Wow.
I have a friend from Boston sometimes not often he's the one who sent me five dollars or $10 and it could not cannot do even a breakfast in here but I took it cause I am in need but you know I know you've done for me mom that's why I never tell about anything
This is a hard world, and I wish I could change the bad things to good. I will continue to pray for you. Sometimes it is hard to remember or believe that God is good, but I have to keep praying anyway.
Don't know what to do but God knows
I love you
Not much than me mom and I will always
If you have the possibility to mom!! You could send me some thing if you have it though cause I need to buy a carpet for sleep, and if you can do that for me let me know and I'll give you the information how to send it for me please mom I ask you but I don't beg you
I don't know if I can. I will try to talk to the mission, but I do know from past experience there anything we can do will take a long time. So I can't do anything quickly, for sure. I'm sorry.
OK mom!! I am OK with that I understand, you don't have to be sorry for that it's not your fault it's just my destination dough
I'll try another way
God knows
Take care. I just got home, so I'm going to sleep. We'll talk later.
OK mom thanks for your understanding and all the love that you give to me, have sweet dreams! With love! Your son
Please! Don't beat yourself up for the sins of the distant past. You, yourself, are not part of any "colonizing", you are part of the efforts to lift others out of bondage. Remember the story of the boy on the beach throwing stranded starfish back into the ocean. An older man berates him saying it won't make a difference. The boy answers, as he throws another one back into the life-giving sea, "It makes a difference to this one." You can't save a whole nation, but you can save one young man who in turn can save a family, and strong families are what make strong nations. You do so much good in the world, ignore the adversary who wants you to believe otherwise.
ReplyDeleteRozy, as always, I appreciate your encouragement. Thank you.
DeleteFor me, while the story of the boy and the starfish is delightful, I feel less like a child playing along the beach than like the rich man with Lazarus outside my gate. Biblical injunctions to seek justice for those who have suffered injustice sit deeply with me. As for the sins of the past (often not so distant, and frequently still in the present), I think often of the concept of the Jubilee -- of the notion that what is "mine" is really supposed to belong to the Lord, who commands that we should return these gifts to the poor every so often.
I shouldn't beat myself up, I totally agree. But that doesn't mean I should sit down to a sumptuous feast when there are beggars outside my gates, either. I know that I've been given much, and therefore much is asked of me.